Pondering Weekend... Self love and helping others.
The time of being a martyr is over. You may think that you have no time to help yourself while you run around like a chicken with your head cut off trying to "fix" everything and everyone around you. You are even known to be one of the most loving and generous people in the family but the one person you forget about so often is you. Ring a bell at all?
You cannot save anyone or fix anyone. Believing that we have an ability to control the outcome of any situation is megalomania and yet many walk around having these exact thoughts and behaving out of this belief. Telling ourselves if we just say the "right" things "they" will understand and everything will happen exactly how we planned. Letting go of that power actually can be quite relieving and can open space for one to have time to give to oneself and not judge ourselves too harshly. It can open space for less passive aggressiveness (waiting for the right time, space, etc,) and more honest dialogue.
Many of the professions that I do empowerment programs have this hard-wired into their careers and so they find it difficult to let this savior mentality go and let their faith, chaos, God, or whatever deity or icon take their place. For example, doctors or police officers feel it is their duty to save people for a living. But, in fact they are their just like all of us: facilitators, serving others, and empowering them through inspiration. It is kind of hard to listen to the overweight doctor tell me that I have to lose weight and eat healthier as I smell the cigarettes on their coat and see the sadness in their eyes. On the other hand it is hard to save someone that doesn't want to be saved.
So this weekend I have been pondering. When do I say that I have to, or should, or I am supposed to do something when really I could be asking myself, "does this serve me". Obligation works for no one. Replacing these regularly obligatory phrases in our life with "serves" or "does not serve" allows us to really see what pressure we really hold upon ourselves. It serves me to exercise and eat healthier so I do! It serves me to be grateful and express gratitude because it makes me happier and it also brings upon more things to be grateful for! So do we "have to help others" or does it serve us to be better listeners without trying to effect the result of anything instead.
Just some things to ponder. Meditate this week, but instead of quiet breath work, I want you to instead think of how often you say should, have to, and see where in your life you can replace it with "serves me". See if you can talk to yourself like a five year old child, with love and compassion instead of judgement and criticism. Be gentle with yourself.
the snarky spiritualist